


Hello Have You Heard of Our Lord and Savior Merasmus?

by Blackmoonrose13



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Funny, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 19:30:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2663672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackmoonrose13/pseuds/Blackmoonrose13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merasmus has been mistaken for a god by the town of Teufort. His Former roommate and his team are his only go to people for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello Have You Heard of Our Lord and Savior Merasmus?

**Author's Note:**

> There was a photoset of Merasmus on tumblr. It had the line. Hello have you heard of our lord and savior Merasmus? And that oddly inspired me. When I started writing I noticed it would be better as multiple chapters. I hope you like this funny story.

It was a crisp autumn afternoon. Merasmus was running quickly. He was in too frantic of a state to fly let alone teleport to his location. His breath was heavy when he is in front of RED base he starts to bang on the door very hard. “Open up you fool Merasmus is here!”

 

The door opens Soldier was there smiling. “Hello Merasmus my former room mate.” He waves so happy to see him. “Why are you here it isn't”

 

Merasmus pushes him away. “Out of Merasmus's way you lumbering fool.” He rushes inside the base and uses his magic to slam the door shut. “No one will find Merasmus here.” He runs and hides inside the couch. “This will be a nice place for Merasmus to lurk. Surrounded by insane mercenaries who are in 24 access to their weapons of all types. It's perfect! No one would dare bother Merasmus!”

 

Soldier raises his eyebrow. “Merasmus is something wrong? Are the Japanese mafia still after you?”

 

Merasmus sticks his head out. “Well yes but this is far worst than the Japanese mafia.” He hides again.

 

Solider looks at the couch. “Merasmus tell your former roommate Jane what happened.” Merasmus doesn't answer. Jane sighs softly. “Okay Merasmus I get it.” Soldier walks out of the room then comes back holding an half empty tin can that had a spoon in it, a brown liquid like sludge was visible from the inside of the can. “I guess I will just relax and enjoy my second can of military grade beans.” He smirks as he turns and sits down on the couch cushion he knows Merasmus was hiding as.

 

Merasmus gets up and uses his hands to make Soldier not sit on him. “Okay okay.” Soldier smirks and sits besides the dark wizard. “Merasmus has sort of done magic in front of the locals of this stupid town.”

 

Soldier tilts his head to the side. “I don't understand you do it in front of the team all the time.”

 

Merasmus sighs loudly. “You and your team last time Merasmus checked were not drinking water that is poisoned with lead and are most likely inbred.” He looks at Soldier then shakes his head. “One saw Merasmus doing his dark eldritch magic and then went to the town. Merasmus assumed it would be like in this town during the 1700's fire, pitch forks, singing....don't ask about that one.” He takes a deep breath and sighs. “Any way the town looked at me and I was well in my more larger form you have seen it.”

 

“Yes I have you aren't as expressive in that form you know.”

 

Merasmus groans. “Can I continue?” Soldier covers his mouth and nods. “Thank you. The towns folk were all looking up at Merasmus. Of course Merasmus got annoyed and used magic and hit some of the townsfolk. They were not scared of Merasmus they were in awe and started bowing. Merasmus is not happy about this.” He puts his hand to his forehead. “It is like that island all over again. Soon they will be erecting statues to me....ach I don't want that.”

 

Soldier looks at the wizard confused then moves his hand down and pats his back. “There there I doubt they will erect statues to you....not that you don't deserve it.”

 

Scout walks in. “What's this talk about erections?”

 

Merasmus groans. “Seriously? From that you got erections....Soldier I think you need to have a talk with the boy.”

 

“Hey I ain't no boy I am a man.” He flexes his arm. “I am the epitome of manly man.”

 

Spy walks past. “Oh how cute you finally learned what epitome means. Must have been a miracle finding it in the dictionary when you can't even spell it.” He chuckles. “Soldier we need to talk about.” He sees Merasmus and pulls out his revolver. “What the hell is this Eldritch horror doing here?”

 

Merasmus uses his magic to swipe the gun out of his hand. Soldier got between them. “No fighting Halloween is done and over with he is here asking for our help.”

 

Scout laughs, “Oh yea like us helping him curse that ground by killing the Blu team. Did that work by the way.”

 

Merasmus groans. “Barely....and Merasmus has only half of the money to take care of the problem.”

 

Spy smirks. “Ah Japanese mafia still after you? I could offer.”

 

The door bell rings. “I'll get it.” Engineer says as he walks to the front door. “Not that you guys couldn't I mean you are closer.” He mumbles to himself then putting on his friendly smile. “Howdy how may I....”

 

A small group of people were in front of the door holding pamphlets. “Hello do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Merasmus?” The man in the tie hands Engineer the flier and pamphlet.

 

Engineer stares at the pamphlet. “Sorry what now?”

 

Scout walks over. “Hey Engie what is....hold on buddy I have handled these types before.” He goes to the door holding it. “Sorry we got a religion it's called the religion of Nonya.” He slams the door in front of the group and wipes his hands. “There all done just like what we did with those religious people came banging on the door. Though were we lived we would call each other to warn when they were coming you know so we can seem like we ain't home.”

 

Dell sighs. “That was very rude. I would have just politely said no.”

 

Scout scoffs waving his hand as he walks back to the rec room. “Eh whatever you gotta be if you do it hard enough you get on the don't try list.”

 

Engineer rolls his eyes. “Son there is no such thing as a do not try list with door to door religion sharers.” He walks in and notices Merasmus sitting on the couch. He tenses up and pulls out his pistol. “What in tar-nation is that dark magic man doing here? Halloween is over now.”

 

Merasmus rolls his eyes. “Not again. Engineer put down your pistol it has no effect on Merasmus.” He moves his hand causing the pistol to leave Engineer's hand.

 

From outside the room the group can hear a familiar Australian accent. “Tavish I think you are getting a little over the top.”

 

Tavish groans. “I am not crazy Mundy this is for evil I tell you.”

Tavish and Mundy walked into the living room holding bags of groceries in Tavish's hand was a pamphlet. He turned his head over seeing the Wizard. “You.” He drops the food and leaps over at him.

 

Merasmus was exasperated this being the third time. He stands up his eyes glowing green, he used his magic to catch the Scotsman in mid air causing him to float in place.

 

Tavish looked around angry. “Put me down you eye thief!”

 

Merasmus smirked. “Technically the Bombnomicon was the one that stole your eye, even then it was your fault you lost it.” He used his magic to swing Tavish about. “You will be nice or I will rip you like tissue paper.”

 

“Uh-Oh.” Jane stands between the two of them last thing the team needed was an unneeded fight and that is saying something if Soldier is thinking of it. “Now now don't fight you two.” He looks at Tavish. “Now Tav what is it you saw that was Evil?”

 

Tavish holds the pamphlet. Engineer looks shocked. “I just got one of those.”

 

Tavish looks over. “Yea I know the caught us while we were coming on to base they were mumbling about a very rude boy in a base ball hat.”

 

“Hey.”

 

“Shut it you hairless rabbit.” Tavish was still floating in the air as he reads the pamphlet. “Come to the worship of the lord and savior Merasmus tonight at” He squints reading the pamphlet. “The writing is to small for me.”

 

“Give me that.” Scout goes up and takes the pamphlet and reads it. “Oh I know were this place is. It's that big vacant lot near Conquistadors fried chicken giblets. Lots of people go there at night to well.”

 

“Lose there virginity to woman who don't exist?” Spy smirks taking the pamphlet. “Though it would seem odd they would have it there. Why not use one of the empty buildings?”

 

Sniper takes the pamphlet. “Easy you can't do anything religious in those buildings some rule the owners stated.” The team looks at him. “What? Listen those buildings are potential snipe spot I do research on all my potential snipe spots.”

 

Soldier took the pamphlet. “Thank you for your information privates.” He looks at the team. “Now Merasmus here has explained to me that the locals have seen him perform his magic and now think of him as a god. While I think he is a great wizard. He himself does not wish for this.”

 

Tavish who was still floating. “As much as I love floating around could I please be put down before Soldier goes on?”

 

Merasmus rolls his eyes and releases the spell Tavish falls on the floor. “Ouch.”

 

Soldier sighs. “Any way we need to go to this place and stop them from erecting statues of him.”

 

Spy stubs out his cigarette and pulls a new one from the case. “So how do you suggest we do this?”

Soldier smiled. “We go there be amongst the people and hear what they say. Merasmus will be hidden so not to cause a commotion and then when we have the info. Poof Merasmus does his evil wizard thing and the town fears him.”

 

Merasmus smiles. “It isn't a bad idea. But how will Merasmus be able to sneak in?"

Soldier smiles. "Leave that to me."


End file.
